The Benefit of Self-Reliance

Jul 17, 2010

Categories: Updates, as a SAHP

A number of my sites have been hacked for more than 5 times already. It was exasperating each time because the only way I know how to solve the problem was to delete the entire WP application, re-install and start from scratch. That means forgetting all about the content I have painstakingly written through the years. I know it was too “newbish”. But I married a geek who refused to do the hands-on for me all because he wanted me to learn on my own. In fair judgment to my hub, he helped me in my first few hacking experiences and repaired my blogs. But because I own and maintain quite a number of websites, he thought I should learn the ropes myself.

At the start of the year, he removed my sites from his hosting services and sent me a link over email on where to get a reseller account. To be honest, I was annoyed by this act because I view this as a refusal to help his very own wife! All the more when he said my sites just have too many support issues and he does not have time to handle any of it anymore. Web hosting is not his business model. Neither tech support. Please take note, I do not get those hosting for free. I pay for each disk space and bandwidth. So why in the world is he not helping me??!? In the context of me being a start-up entrepreneur, I received and treated his act as something that came from someone not related to me. Sort of like an unsuccessful business venture. More than anything else, I want to respect his decision and shield our home life from work related issues. So I tucked that aside and moved on.

On one of our “high joy” moments, I asked why is he doing this to me. Why does he enjoy seeing me scream for help and do nothing until I figure things out. He looked at me straight to the eye and said, “I want you to be self-reliant, to learn how to survive with or without my support. I love you so much that I do not want to impair you”. I understood his words but I didn’t know what to say. Back then, I was not sure if I should thank him or what.

I have never really absorbed his point until my websites were hacked (for the nth time). It took me days to figure it out. I had to read tutorials, forum threads and all. He’s here by my side just watching, ready to catch if I slip and wreck the entire database (LOL). But he left me alone to analyze and locate errors. Tonight I finally restored Eagirl.com including the theme I customized, yay!

The web application troubles I shared above is just one of the many things he pushes me to learn. There are other aspects from finances to sanitary plumbing that I learn a lot about, too.

The tough love my husband has for me actually made me realize that I am capable of doing things other than minding the kids and the kitchen and running a project. It pushed me to learn and apply it. It equipped me with survival skills that we both are now confident that we will be able to feed “our flock” no matter what the world brings. It might have been painful at first but I realize now that I should be thankful that he constantly brings out the best in me.

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